It's me &my Ballpen ^^

Once there's these words i'd like to spit out from this heavy chest, once my thoughts are filling up this brim, and when a time my emotions on hold come uncontrollable, i will come running my room and curl myself, trying to reach a thing that can understand me, my ball pen & a clean sheet of paper waiting for me to strikes the word for it to listen. What's bugging me right now? I used to cry with someone listening. I used to pour my hatred to someone who's ready to calm me when it's over. But what about right now? My mind that's pouring these words that i can't seem to control, but once i open my mouth, and try to breath out the words, nothing's coming out. Maybe i was just afraid of thinking that's no one's here to listen. Maybe frightened of no one who's going to comfort and rub my back and try to wipe these tears that's rolling down my face. I got so weak and and so down. My chest's getting heavier of these hurts that I wanted to burst out. But how? I can't express myself right now, in this instance. I can't seem to understand myself. I guess I'll be left with this ball pen on my hand and a sheet of paper catching every teardrop of pain coming out. (setting my pain aside as i knelt down, and pray.)