I DAMN HATE YOU!

You made me believe
That there’ll be tears no more
After I will do
Tell you the words
I love you.

So damn and drank
Here I am tonight
Because of you
And your fucked stupid acts

You pulled me out
You grabbed me tight
And slapped my face
Telling me how stupid I was.

Yes dear, how stupid I am
To make believe
Of rainbows after you
So not true.

But darling you own me
Promised I own you too
Here I am now
Kissing all the words till gone.

Baby you got me before
Now you caught me again
Oh baby, stop this now
Make me tell you how,
I hate you!

My February

I once felt a heart that shattered and lost
In this great little February
The day of hearts celebrated
Was when my heart once did die.

My heart was once blooming
I almost did believed how blue turns to red
I never thought of falling so hard
And insanely in love I could say.

Who could ever thought of me falling apart?
This face that smiles in almost every little way
Somehow had frowned and felt deeply in pain
On February 14th he had his goodbye.

“It was a joke”, I said
And made myself believe he will come back
All because I thought we feel the same way
I love him but he loves her.

I used not to believe he have this girl
Who I thought that was only his dream
But I didn’t expect that way
How this girl took his heart away.

But that was once a February,
Which I thought it was the real one.
But now I stand again,
Welcoming with a smile, my new and happy February.

I was.

I went from the place where no one can see me through. No one can understand the redundancies of my story that i dwell from my deep past. A place where we question ourself a lot, and a dark place that confuses us all the time. But here came the time that a single struck of light that brighten my mind, which made me thought of that moment that, somehow, i deserve to see something like this. And somehow, i also deserve to feel the feeling of being seen. And now, here i am standing, looking back but not dwelling, i somehow understand why i came to that place before. it may be because, i am given the greatest chance to feel the feeling of being love and seen and i was given the time to realize that it was always there and i just have to look deeper to see it more. This is what it will be when you had already knew and realized what you were. What i was.

How can you tell when you are not sure of wat to tell ?

Fallen from a great feeling and stuck with the world of "I don't knows". Now, i have a one big question of somehow getting confuse sometimes. How can you tell you have really gone out from that place which you thought was the paradise you have ever dreamed of? How can you tell if you have forgotten the persons that made you belive that they were going to stay with you in that place? See how ironic it can be? They were the one who tells you not to go far away from you, and now, they are the one who had gone first. And you were the one who's trying your hardest to get away from the dream you had built. Now how sure you are if you really ain't sure what you should be sure of? Confused? How much more if there's memories that makes it more confusing?

Not all the time you can understand yourself.

Sometimes, it's just that there are so many things in your head or maybe your heart that you really just can't understand. No matter how hard you try to explain everything to yourself just to come to the point that somehow, you'll find what really is happening to yourself. Silence won't always be there when you need it the most. some of the time, it will come that you will come to argue with yourself because of the things that isn't clear to you. It's the matter of how you really know yourself. If overcoming and finding the silence that you have been searching, it is when you can say that you had made it clear to yourself. And also that you had made it clear some things in you that you haven't understood before. Have time to find within you what you really want and what you need, meaning, have time with yourself. Havee time to make it up to your own. Have time for you.

Starting all over.

Once you had fell down, there's no way you are going to stay like that. Sometimes, or even as possible as all times, you have to stand up on your own and find a way to set a new start and never hesitate to do things right. When heart aches, and pains are not hitting you hard not like before, it's when you can say. Now, i'm starting all over. And no one's going to stop me now. :)

New Beginning.

It had been such so busy these few days. Many things to learn and many to study most. But one great thing that i never did waste. It's the time when i started to spend a one new beginning. A feeling so great that someone could have ever wanted after a long hardship of waiting. But as days keep coming, it seems to become a-bloom and getting more excited everyday. And as i continue feeling this great feeling inside of me, i feel stronger that i ever was, before. And that's how my sadness turned into a much happy story i have now. :)